


Head Over Joots For You

by derheck



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Basically an au where Blupjeans isn't together and everyone is so frustrated, Blupjeans fic ft. Taakitz, Everyone ships them, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M, and Kravitz is their number one shipper, let's see where this fic goes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 10:26:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13339299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/derheck/pseuds/derheck
Summary: "It's just... They’re so in love,” he said helplessly.“Fuck, dude, I know.  Those two are so in love and they’re gross, but neither one will get their heads out of their asses and do something about it.  We’ve been trying to get them to do something about it for a fucking century.  I guess it’s a good thing they’re immortal or whatever, because at this rate it’ll be another two centuries before someone says something- hey, you good?”“Everything I know is a lie,” Kravitz whispered.Aka an au where Blupjeans aren't together and the Raven Queen makes Kravitz fix this.





	Head Over Joots For You

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to Goose-chan for helping me develop this idea. It was so fucking good.

Kravtiz loved Taako, undoubtedly.  And not to toot his (their?) own horn, but they were definitely the most attractive couple in all of Faerun.  Their fairly public, midst-apocalypse love confession was still talked about and ranked in the top three most romantic events in history.

But they were no match for Lup and Barry, who definitely got the prize for the most disgustingly in love couple.  

It’s fascinating, really, watching them interact on missions, seeing how effortlessly they clicked and moved around each other, as if they were dancing some secret tango to which only they knew the steps.  And like, that was the thing.  Their love wasn’t all “in your face” or obvious.  It came through in their mundane interactions, a lingering touch, a soft smile, and “holy shit I’m so in love with you” gazes when one of them had done something impressive.  Or not impressive.  Just anything, really, provoked one of these love laden looks.  

One would think it’d get annoying, having to be exposed to this sort of behavior constantly, but seeing how genuine their love was, Kravitz couldn’t help but be heartwarmed.  He had only known them for a couple of weeks and worked with for much less than that, but _goddamn_ he loved their love.  He’d become just an all around supporter of all things Blupjeans.

* * *

 

It wasn’t until after they’d had one of their weekly dinners, which had featured the pair drunkenly and perfectly singing fantasy Alphabet Aerobics, that Kravitz finally broke.

“So how long have they been married?” he asked Taako, as they cleared the table of everyone’s dishes and cups.

“Who?” Taako asked back, looking at him with an eyebrow raised.

“Uh… Lup and Barry,” he said slowly, starting to grow confused.

“What?  They’re not married.”

“Oh, I’m sorry I just assumed.  Well, how long have they been togeth-” he began and was cut off by his boyfriend tsking at him.

“Babe, they’re not _even_ together _._ ”

“Wait what the fuck?”

Taako nodded sagely in response.

“But!  But they’re so in love!  It’s sickening!”

Taako continued to nod.

“But...but…” Kravitz continued to splutter.

“Shhh, yes, babe, I know.”  Taako patted him gently on the back and led him to a chair, where he could sit and collect himself from this groundbreaking news.  

Kravtiz took a couple deep breaths.  “So you mean to tell me that they are both single… and ready to mingle?”

Taako snorted.  “Why, you interested?”

“No, Taako, of course not, I love you,” Kravitz said, “it’s just.  They’re so in love,” he said helplessly.

“Fuck, dude, I _know_.  Those two are so in love and they’re gross, but neither one will get their heads out of their asses and do something about it.  We’ve been trying to get them to do something about it for a fucking century.  I guess it’s a good thing they’re immortal or whatever, because at this rate it’ll be another two centuries before someone says something- hey, you good?”  

“Everything I know is a lie,” Kravitz whispered, causing Taako to hum sympathetically and pat his shoulder.  Kravitz groaned and pressed his face into Taako’s chest.

“There, there, bubaleh.  At least you’re sort of immortal or whatever too, so you can chaperone their first date.”  

Kravitz groaned noncommittally against his boyfriend’s chest.

* * *

 

The next morning, he watched Barry and Lup in disbelief.  They were sleepily sharing a large cup of coffee, complaining about being hungover and tired and Lup was trying to convince Barry to inject the coffee “straight up into her fucking veins” and Barry looked like he was genuinely considering it.  

“I can’t believe they’re not together,” he muttered under his breath, the wound of this harsh revelation still fresh.  Now, rose tinted glasses shattered, he saw that their secret tango dance wasn’t one of a decades old and familiar love, but just them _dancing around each other_.  And it hurt him. Physically.

“ ** _CAW_ **.”

He startled and looked beside him, only to find the Raven Queen, in all her gigantic raven bodied glory.

“Oh, ma’am!  I am so sorry, I, uh, didn’t see you there.”  

“ ** _CAW_ ** ,” she repeated.

“Oh,” he answered, feeling embarrassed.  “Taako broke the news to me yesterday that they’re not together,” he said, motioning to his coworkers. “I was just really surprised, but I guess you knew alread-”

“ ** _CAW_ **.”

“Do something?” Kravitz asked, incredulous.  “My queen, I mean no disrespect, _at all_ , but we’ve been tailing one of fantasy FBIs most wanted necromancers and we’re closing in on them.  I’m, like, your top reaper?  I- We have better things to do than butting in on stuff that doesn’t concern me. Us.”

Suddenly, a crash from the other side of the room made him turn away from the Raven Queen.  Lup and Barry looked shamefaced but also not shamefaced at all at having spilled and broken their coffee cup.  Barry also seemed to have somehow built an IV sort of contraption from office supplies and looked like he was about to hook it up to Lup.  

Goddammit.

“ ** _CAW_ ** ,” the Raven Queen said, looking at him.  

Kravitz sighed.  “You’re absolutely right, my Queen,” he said, already formulating a plan on how to break those two into confessing.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) yes the raven queen is 100% just a giant fucking raven with a tiny lil crown on her head  
> 2) interpret the caws as you wish, but that last two are essentially her going "Kravitz, fix it."  
> 3) thank you so much for reading ily a lot xx i really hope to finish this fic... bc it shouldn't be too long maybe just two chapters more or so


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